


you must lose that which you love

by mind_boggling



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, HUGE FUCKING SPOILERS PLS DON'T READ IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN ENDGAME, I did, i warned you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-27
Updated: 2019-04-27
Packaged: 2020-02-08 11:37:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18622555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mind_boggling/pseuds/mind_boggling
Summary: “You can’t leave them Clint”“And yet I can’t be here without you, Nat” He answered, which only caused her to stop. She let go of his arms and the two of them fell into exhaustion. She felt blood fall from her nose, and saw Clint saturated from the neck down in blood. It almost worked; the image of him lying there suffering. It almost tricked her into giving in.“That’s what they’ll say at your funeral” She spoke through grit teeth, trying to harvest her pain in a way that allowed her to continue.Clint shook his head slowly. “They’ll know I died for them”“They will know you died, Clint,” She snapped again. “That is all they will know. They won’t care what you did it for, they won’t care if you died in the most heroic way possible. All they will know is that you’re gone. That won’t change, not ever. You have lost, Clint. We both have. We both know that it’s true. They will always have that with them”





	you must lose that which you love

**Author's Note:**

> for beth who claimed "i can't wait to read this even though i never read clintasha" ily  
> oh n this is partially inspired by scarletvision’s infinity war scene

The end began with her forehead pressed against his.

The wind was miraculously still for such a high point on a planet they knew no boundaries of. But then again, that’s probably why. The purples in the sky were completely animated; neither of them had seen anything like it. But then again, the only planet either of them had been on, was Earth. Natasha felt Clint’s strong grip on her arm as their foreheads pressed together so naturally. She felt his body shake, she felt the tears rise within him as they both stood there. The feeling of being watched was imminent, but neither of them cared enough anymore.

“We’re out of time” Natasha whispered, pulling her head away from Clint’s slowly. She looked directly toward him, sending him a sad smile as her brows furrowed together. Clint’s grip fell from her arm and felt for her hand. She gripped onto his tightly, nodding her head whilst he shook his in denial.

“It shouldn’t be you” He could only muster words in such a whisper she almost missed it.

“But it is” She responded.

“Natasha-“ He spoke again and this time, she was the one to shake her head at him.

“It’s alright,” She swallowed the lump in her throat as she pulled his hand closer to her chest. Clasping her free one on top of his knuckles, she pressed them against her pounding heart. “For you, it could never be any other outcome. It could never hurt me, for you. It couldn’t”

She watched his head physically fall, this time with tears upon his cheeks. Natasha pulled him toward her, pressing his head against her shoulder. She felt her own tears prickle, placing her head in the crook of his bent neck. “I won’t let you do this” Clint spoke through his tears. “Not for me”

Pulling away from him, she held him at arm’s length. “Then let it be for Laura. For Lila, for Cooper, for Nate. You’re not the only one allowed to die for your family, Clint”

Clint just shook his head. “You’re Auntie Nat” He spoke with more determination this time, more anger. His voice grew strong again. “You’re part of the family, too. What will they do without you? What will they do if you’re gone?”

“Love their father who is _alive_ ” She snapped in response. “Their father who fought in every single way for them, who did not stop until he got them back. Their father who did whatever he could, in whatever way he could”

“But they wouldn’t be back” Clint answered, shaking his head. “Not really, not without you. It will always be incomplete”

“Barton-“ She turned away from him as her tears had risen unexpectedly fast. He did not move, he stood with eyes trained on her at all times. She composed herself, wiping what had fallen on the back of her hand. “ _Clint_ ” She turned back toward him and began shaking her head and just whispered, “I owe you a debt”

“Bullshit, you stopped owing me a debt the day you knocked the life out of me to save me from the clutches of a mind controlling evil God” Clint answered, stepping toward her with a slight laugh. It was strange, almost delirious.

“It wasn’t enough” Natasha whispered.

“It was more than enough” Clint answered.

“You already named a child after me, Clint, you don’t have any valid excuses right now” She replied, to which he laughed a little. She managed a smile and despite it dripping with sadness, she tried again. “Let me do this”

Clint didn’t look up, just shook his head. “I can’t”

Natasha nodded. “You can”

His head snapped up immediately, “I can’t let you die, Nat. I just can’t do that”

“You won’t be,” She answered, moving closer toward him. He continued to look toward her and she placed a hesitant hand on his shoulder. “It’s okay, Clint. When they’re back, it’ll be worth it. You may not see it right now, but I promise you”

Clint pushed her fallen strands of hair from her chest, looking beneath the dark suit. His thumb ran over the necklace that she still wore, the arrow that must at least be pressed into her skin by now. She looked directly at him the entire time his eyes were on her chest. “It should be me”

Natasha took his hand away from her, holding onto his wrist in a tight grip. “And then what? Who tells Laura that you died instead of me? Who tells the kids their daddy’s not coming home?”

He hesitated only for a slight second before he spoke. “You do”

Grasping onto her wrist with his palm, he yanked with all of his force and threw Natasha onto the ground. Pulling an arrow from his back, he aimed directly for her and when it shot, she lay electrifying on the ground. Natasha struggled to move, fighting against the arrow as she reached to pull it out. Clint watched for a second before he ran toward the edge of the cliff. Meters away, he felt a yank at his foot and seconds later, was faced with the hard concrete of the cliff.

Natasha crawled at immense speed as Clint tried to regain himself and she pinned his arms down whilst straddling his torso in lock. He was too wounded to move at any kind of speed. Natasha took a harsh breath as she maintained him in one spot, “I won’t let you do this”

Clint groaned loudly in frustration, still trying to weaken her grasp and break free. Her arm grew weak and he almost wriggled loose, but she tightened her legs around his torso as he rolled over on top of her. “You’re going to have to”

She threw her head toward Clint and thrashed against his forehead harshly. He yelled in pain and his grip grew weak enough for Natasha to regain balance and pin him to the ground. He cried out in pain, beginning to give up in their struggle as his tears got the better of him. “You can’t leave them Clint”

“And yet I can’t be here without you, Nat” He answered, which only caused her to stop. She let go of his arms and the two of them fell into exhaustion. She felt blood fall from her nose, and saw Clint saturated from the neck down in blood. It almost worked; the image of him lying there suffering. It almost tricked her into giving in.

“That’s what they’ll say at your funeral” She spoke through grit teeth, trying to harvest her pain in a way that allowed her to continue.

Clint shook his head slowly. “They’ll know I died for them”

“They will know you died, Clint,” She snapped again. “That is all they will know. They won’t care what you did it for, they won’t care if you died in the most heroic way possible. All they will know is that you’re gone. That won’t change, not ever. You have lost, Clint. We both have. We both know that it’s true. They will always have that with them”

Clint just paused, looking toward her with brows knitted in fear and exhaustion. “And you expect me to have that with you?”

Natasha could only frown. She shook her head at Clint, “You’re not a child, Clint. You will know full well why I did this”

“What a load of bullshit, Romanoff,” He shouted, pulling away from her as he sat up from the ground. “You think just because I can comprehend why you died, it’s going to make it hurt less? It’s going to hurt more than anything. All of this hurts, Natasha, I have been hurting for five years straight”

“And I have been hurting the entire time I did not know where you were. You will have them to heal you,” She spoke now in a certain softness, cupping his chin in her fingers to face him toward her. “Your family,” shaking her head, she swallowed her tears. “I have no-one to heal me”

“You have me,” He cried, “Nat, you have always had me”

She shook her head again, standing from the ground as she finally had strength. Clint joined her eagerly, watching what she was doing, and Natasha grabbed his arm quickly as he lost balance. “That’s why I can’t let you do this”

Clint’s eyes widened, “Nat-“

“I can’t let you” She shook her head in a consistent motion, her tears and fear getting the better of her instantly. “I can’t go on in a world without you”

He was not quick enough when she let go of his arm and she ran to the ledge. He watched her leap immediately, his throat going raw at the extent to which he screamed. Running after her, he projected himself after her and attached himself to the cliffside with a one-handed shot of an arrow. He caught onto her as she fell, his fear setting in all too quickly as the two of them hung from the cliffside.

Natasha looked below her feet before back up to Clint. “Let me go, Clint!”

“Not a chance in hell” He shouted in response. His hand grew sweaty on her arm and his heart pounded loudly in his ears as he felt himself losing grip. He groaned, screamed in pain, the energy to keep hold of her slowly fading.

“Let me go!” She shouted back, almost begging him to release her.

“You’re not dying today, Nat” He shouted toward her, “Not for a piece of goddamn stone”

She took a harsh breath in as her own fear set in. “It’s not for a piece of stone and you know it”

_For Laura, for Lila, for Cooper, for Nate._

His tears turned to a floodgate, his grip on her loosening. She nodded, smiling at him in support. “Whatever it takes,” she said, looking below her. “You’ll have that stone, Clint. You’ll have them back. We promised”

Clint refused to look at her, eyes closed as he cried and continued hanging there frozen. She tightened her grip on his arm to bring him back to her. He shook his head as he looked down toward her. Natasha nodded for one final time. “It’s okay. It’s okay,” she spoke. A smile; “I love you”

He closed his eyes once more as she let go.

**Author's Note:**

> leave kudos if u cried at endgame xx
> 
> hey there, thanks so much for reading! 
> 
> if you enjoyed my work, you can support my writing or buy my poetry collections 'serendipity' and 'eden' [here](https://linktr.ee/livch)!
> 
> any support is appreciated! 
> 
> liv xo


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